Get off the high road, Summer! We all got pinkeye because you won’t stop texting on the toilet.”
“To live is to risk it all, otherwise you’re just an inert chunk of randomly assembled molecules drifting wherever the universe blows you.”
“Stupid-a*s, fart-saving, carpet-store motherf*cker.”
“My life has been a lie! God is dead! The government’s lame! Thanksgiving is about killing Indians! Jesus wasn’t born on Christmas! They moved the date, it was a pagan holiday!”
“I’M A PICKLE! I’m pickle Riiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiick!”
“All I have are pictures are of me and my friends from school. What? What teenage girl has pictures of her family? It’s not like we’re Mormon or dying”
“And this is why you don’t invite a Floopy Doop and a Shmoopy Doop to the same party.”
“Don’t break an arm jerking yourself off, Morty.”
“The universe is a little too big to care about something so small.”
“I’m Doctor Who in this motherfucker! I could be a clone! I could be a hologram! We could clones controlled by robots controlled by special headsets that the real Rick and Morty are wearing while they’re fucking your mother!”
“Come on, flip the pickle, Morty. You’re not gonna regret it. The payoff is huge. I turned myself into a pickle, Morty! Boom! Big reveal! I’m a pickle! What do you think about that? I turned myself into a pickle! W-what are you just staring at me for, bro? I turned myself into a pickle, Morty.”
“Well, all is forgiven, because right now, I’ve got an erection the size of an East Coast lighthouse, and I’m coming home to share it with my beautiful wife.”
“That’s because losers look stuff up while the rest of us are carp’en all them ‘diems.

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